From the inspiration of this, I felt that the whole e-card thing is a bit of a lazy way of making something entertaining, so I played with some fonts.
AND ANOTHER THING. THIRTY SECONDS TO MARS ARE BOLLOCKS AN’ ALL.
Just some chair and some light
Anyone else who has come off meds ever find themselves fighting the idea of going back on them?
Like, they did me a lot of good and allowed me to get the position where I didn’t need them.
But now I’m back in the sort of place where I could need them and I really really really just don’t want to be back with them.
To be more clear, part of me wants to make them a part of my life again, to use it as part of the framework of empty days, and to get the get-up-and-go from them, and another part is afraid of that dependence.
I think its part of that need not to be dependent?
St Pancras International
I got a PS4 in the states, as a result I can’t use these two vouchers (probably the most interesting thing being a free $10 to spend in the PSN store). If you want it, send me an ask and I’ll send you the code. You don’t need to follow me, you just need to be a person. I’ll update this when the code is gone.UPDATE: CODE HAS GONE
So, Ellen Page came out in a great speech at the HRCF. It was cool, clearly the most nerve-wracking thing she has ever done and a really beautiful moment, especially as she stood up against the inequalities and social neglect that the LGBTQA population faces. I am happy for, and proud of, her for putting that under the public eye. The majority of her speech was not about her own sexuality, but rather about how society treats and perceives people who do not fit within societal expectations, how masculinity and femininity are inherently damaging concepts. It was a good speech, and greeted with well deserved standing ovations.
Whilst watching her speak, I made the critical mistake of scrolling down into the comments on YouTube, and amongst the usual combination of screeching angry homophobia; people confused that she wasn’t already out and misogynists regretting the fact that she was now “off the market”, like a desirable beachfront property or the fuckin’ McRib, I found something much, much worse. Straight people, mainly men, who think that celebrities coming out, and being lauded for it is pointless, old-hat and not newsworthy.
I got fired today, which sucks.
I’m gonna find something new, and better.
So, over a year ago I wrote this and I’ve just now found myself writing what is effectively a sequel.
I am aware of how cold my feet are as I wake up, like I slept on ice. I smile and lazily shift to drag them down her calves.
"Her absent legs." My feet are quick to remind me, "This bed is unoccupied." The romance that kept them warm at night is gone.
I open my eyes and unfold my body, creaking and cracking against the stake sheets. I stare at the open curtains, my litter bin and the shrapnel of disregarded snacks.
I fight to open my eyes and check the time. My numb fingers scrabble with the foil of a pill packet and force motivation into my system.
Finally I lose the battle to sleep forever and push against the corpse of our mattress, my feet hit the hard wood floor with two tragically human slaps.
I lied to my parents as a rule, even when it wasn’t necessary. I drove, without a license, and very many miles above the speed limit, cars that were full of my friends yelling at me; I had unprotected sex with a multitude of partners of all genders (and contracted chlamydia); I took diet pills to lose weight, which is not to say I exercised, ever (another risk behavior). I cut and otherwise damaged my body on purpose, because sometimes I got so low that I thought that was the only thing that could snap my mind back under control. I threw shit or kicked in walls when I got angry. If I heard there was a fight brewing, I would head toward, not away from, it. I sought out violent situations. I got tattoos and piercings all over my body. I hung out in darkened squats and threw whole watermelons out the windows of speeding minivans (these two weren’t on the assessment). The one category where the “yes” checkboxes got a rest was substance use: I was straightedge, which meant I didn’t use alcohol or drugs, but, to quote Teen Lola, “look at my judgment when I’m sober.”
Killing Yourself to Live - Lola Pellegrino