Oh gee I sure am glad I’ve been given a 36 minute break to go with the 2 hour one my colleagues have just had.
I am living in am anxiety dream where nobody ever leaves and time doesn’t exist. I am so tired
Fate has ordained that the men who went to the moon to explore in peace will stay on the moon to rest in peace.Text of William Safire’s speech for President Richard Nixon in the event of a disaster besetting Apollo 11.
These brave men, Neil Armstrong and Edwin Aldrin, know that there is no hope for their recovery. But they also know that there is hope for mankind in their sacrifice.
These two men are laying down their lives in mankind’s most noble goal: the search for truth and understanding.
They will be mourned by their families and friends; they will be mourned by their nation; they will be mourned by the people of the world; they will be mourned by a Mother Earth that dared send two of her sons into the unknown.
In their exploration, they stirred the people of the world to feel as one; in their sacrifice, they bind more tightly the brotherhood of man.
In ancient days, men looked at stars and saw their heroes in the constellations. In modern times, we do much the same, but our heroes are epic men of flesh and blood.
Others will follow, and surely find their way home. Man’s search will not be denied. But these men were the first, and they will remain the foremost in our hearts.
For every human being who looks up at the moon in the nights to come will know that there is some corner of another world that is forever mankind.
Right now I am trying so hard. Just to wake up and do what needs to be done.
I wish it was five years ago and I could save myself
I wish it was this time last year and I could stop myself making stupid mistakes forever.
I wish it was this time two months ago and I could be running away.
I wish I could wake up with a fresh start and achieve something.
I wish, I wish that something would happen.
When I came home this evening, I’d had a real drag of a day, everything at work had beaten me up and it wasn’t worth it. I’d eaten a handful of junk food on the station platform and I felt like shit. I walked through the door, collapsed on the sofa and the TV lights up, offering me a few different shows to watch, I glanced up at the screen without thinking and smiled to myself.
“Tough day? Want to unwind with some classic comedies?”
A few familiar faces, a selection of twenty minute blasts of anarchy and idiocy. Nothing challenging and I might see a joke or two that I don’t remember. Its not even a voluntary smile, just accepting all of those memories.
As the slightly flat saxophone of a theme starts, I hear the kettle click, the water has boiled, always nice to know someone is looking out for me. I stand up and head over, dropping a teabag into the mug. I can already feel myself unwinding under the warm lighting, listening to the 30 year old jokes, laughing to myself and thinking about how this was all very shocking in its time. My phone vibrates in my pocket and I ignore the notification, I can’t be bothered with this right now.
The episode ends, the same predictable punchline and the TV tells me that I can watch two more episodes if I want a good nights sleep. That doesn’t seem like much to me, but I guess I was planning on reading some of my book before settling down tonight. I put my empty mug in the dishwasher and pull my phone out as the raucous choir introduces the next episode, checking my phone. A two line message tells me that my groceries will be delivered tomorrow, when I get home from work; honestly, I’d not even noticed that I was getting low on anything.
By the time third episode has almost finished, the light in my flat is a soporific yellow and the stresses of the day have almost completely faded away. I stand up and drop my phone into its dock, stripping off and collapsing into bed, stretching out against the mattress and grabbing my tablet, unlocking and starting the chapter. I’ve not even looked at the time since leaving work, but its the late evening now, and I’ll have to head into work tomorrow.
I read quickly, enjoying a none-too-challenging storyline when I’m blindsided by a plot twist, devouring the next few chapters until I notice that my “remaining time” has sunk from three hours to one. I tap off the screen, inhale the cool air and close my eyes, letting myself fade into a well deserved rest.
I barely dream, but I wake up earlier than normal, checking my phone it looks like I got a lot of deep sleep earlier in the night. I’ve got an hour to kill whilst the water heats up so I lay back and think. I think about how my life has changed since setting integrating my lifestyle trackers and home integration. How I used to feel adrift and alone, but now I barely have time for those thoughts, how convenient it is to walk past a store and be told that they have a highly reduced second-hand copy of that book I’ve wanted for a few years.
That convenience has come at a price, I can’t disagree with those posts you see, suddenly and rudely throwing themselves into your line of sight when walking past abandoned storefronts and crowds. I’ve read stories about people who are driven crazy by the enforced routine, the way systems know their behaviours better than they do. And yes, it is creepy to have your every need advertised to you, before realising you even wanted it. Oh, and the idiots you hear about; who don’t understand still needing to look where they walk and get familiar with the traffic.
I don’t miss that weird, burning, need for human companionship, and I’ve heard it can really screw up sleep algorithms, that you never get that ideal daylight cycle for your needs. I start thinking about how odd it is that I’ve lost the need to have a companion when the radio springs to life, reading me the mornings headlines, the lights are a refreshing blue tone in the morning and I can hear the coffee machine gently bubbling in the kitchen.
I lean out of bed, shake those doubts from my head, pop my glasses back on and head into the shower; delays on my train line mean that I’m going to have to leave about 20 minutes earlier than normal, so as I wash my phone is preparing a download of a show I’ve been meaning to watch. Its going to be a good day, I can feel it.
Oh Facebook, how did you know!
Film torn in camera. Developed exposed shots. Its abstract or something fuck you.
My home town and some of my oldest friends.
And what the hell is up with my arms, I don’t remember them being like that!
I got some photos I took in 2012 developed at last!
Featuring light leaks from where I discovered that the film was torn…
Casual reminder that Hagrid points out one of the shops on Diagon Alley as “theres where ye get all your bits and bobs for doing yer wizardry”. Wow. Such accurate. Much detail.
I tried to write a journal piece about the friends I had when I was 16 but it ended up being super personal.
I guess I’m in an odd place, thinking about when I was a teenager all of my friends were going to stay like that forever, stay best friends forever and now I take a look at them and I realise that I regularly speak to precisely one of those people on any regular basis; I’d only stop and speak to maybe four of the huge crowd that was absolutely core to my existence.
Our interests have all changed utterly, our drifting apart was continental. Everything that made us bonded by blood has drained away. Its almost impossible for me not to think of myself as the only one who stayed the same. I know I haven’t, but it was hard to imagine a world in which all of us changed in the same ways, that we would remain that close forever.
I genuinely think this is the best photograph I have ever taken.
This guy had retired a few years ago and was driving an RV from New England up into Canada with his awesome big Newfoundland dog and a friend of his, meeting their wives once they got there.
They had stopped in Badlands National Park to do some offroading and he was more than happy to chat with us about our comparative lives on the road. Great guy, and more than happy to pose (or rather not) for a photograph.